30 Potholders of Mental Temperature: Daily Mood Record
30 Potholders of Mental Temperature: Daily Mood Record
The potholders above each represent the daily high and low of my moods for October 15 - November 13, 2023. Based on some cursory research on color associations, the moods are indicated by the following colors:
(1) BRIGHT PINK: excited, giddy, manic
(2) LIGHT PINK: peaceful, satisfied
(3) NEUTRAL STRIPES: tired, ambivalent
(4) LIGHT GREEN: anxious, hopeless, down
(5) DARK GREEN: irritated, angry, frustrated
Below is a daily summary with the numbers of the Overall High / Low listed below:
1. Sunday 10/15/23-
Generally a good day, brunch with Patrick’s fam followed by a jaunt to a Lodi winery. Good quality time with my partner. Lingering anxiety in the mental background with several art related disappointments and the Israel/Palestine updates. Exciting news at the end of the day re: getting accepted for 30x30 challenge!
Overall High / Low: 2 / 4
2. Monday 10/16/23-
Tired all day.. Bad night’s sleep 2nd day in a row, with bad dreams. Right before I woke up I dreamt of being stuck on top of a double decker bus that was trapped, going in circles on a street where a mass shooting was happening. I’ve never had a dream like that before. Worked from home, very chill, but tore apart my studio trying to figure out materials for this 30x30 project. Anxiety about potentially juggling too many projects during the holidays. Bright spot was making a tiny devil outfit for Pinky, my little hand sewn mouse.
Overall High / Low: 3 / 4
3. Tuesday 10/17/23-
Another bad sleep! The cat is sweet but won’t leave me alone. Today was an office day, and it was nice to wear a cute outfit and spend time chatting with my office mate. A reminder that it’s nice to have a change of scenery and get out of your own head for a while. Leaving work was a nightmare though - construction had lanes closed before even getting on the freeway and it took me over an hour to get home. Stuck in traffic, listening to the news about Israel / Palestine, having to pee… not fun. P had a glass of wine waiting for me though which made me smile <3
Overall High / Low: 2 / 5
4. Wednesday 10/18/23 -
Determined to get some sleep, I took some melatonin. Finally not so tired! The day was, however, a weird mix of emotions. I met with my teammates to talk about the conference we’re going to next week in Vegas, which I’m excited for! I’m also a little nervous because it will be my first time doing something like that as a supervisor ( a role I recently was promoted to). Meanwhile, I continue to be anxious and preoccupied with the flood of news and social media around the Israel / Palestine conflict. I sign a few petitions for the ceasefire and debate whether to post anything myself. I keep choosing not to. I have an interesting debate with my father about it later, and again with my partner. I finish the evening starting to feel the effects of the COVID booster I got earlier in the day.
Overall High / Low: 1 / 4
5. Thursday 10/19/23
Woke up feeling like a bag of bricks so I decided to stay home instead of going into the office (I usually go in on Tuesdays and Thursdays). The quiet is good for me as I spend some time finishing the annual performance evaluations for my two team members. During breaks from job-related work, I can’t sit still. I work on various projects… I dye some things, I tape together a new pattern, I visit with my foster rabbit. I do not get dressed or brush my hair. This is my usual way when I’m sick, I don’t know why. Maybe being sick means uninterrupted “me time” and / or staying busy helps distract me to push through the illness? In the evening I go for a walk with P and our dog and look at Halloween decorations - one of my favorite activities during October.
Overall High / Low: 1 / 3
6. Friday 10/20/23
Had a good working meeting with the team to figure out some new content we’re creating for a class (I am the Curriculum Development Manager for an electrical apprenticeship program) and these kinds of meetings are my favorite - energizing and productive. I’m grateful to have great team mates. Things slow down later in the day so I go to Target to pick up my prescription (I’ve been taking Welbutrin since the end of 2019) and I of course can’t help but spend $100+ on various things, including a few small birthday presents for my friend’s 6 year old. I feel like a true granny with how much I enjoy buying these presents. In the evening, P and I go out for Japanese food. He’s been having a hard time dealing with his aging mother and I feel rather helpless. I find myself acting more upbeat as a way to hopefully cheer him up, and we go home and watch ‘Clue’ as a happy distraction.
Overall High / Low: 1 / 2
7. Saturday 10/21/23
An interesting day of ups and downs - after a slow, sweet morning with P I made my way to a yard sale in South Sac that was raising money for the animal sanctuary I foster bunnies for. I left in a hurry because I was late for a haircut but then on the way to the salon, the stylist had to cancel. Irritating but no big deal. So I went home and putzed around the house, eagerly awaiting the evening for a concert my friend had gotten us tickets to - front row at the beautiful old Crest Theater! I wanted to dress up and make a big deal of it - my partner not so much, but he was a good sport. He suggested we go to a fancy restaurant for dinner beforehand and it was a lovely date night. The show was amazing and it was great to do something special with our friends. After the show we found that we got a parking ticket ($60!!) because we fed the wrong meter, that was super annoying. Went home and ate cereal in an attempt to soak up the three glasses of wine I was feeling.
Overall High / Low: 1 / 5
8. Sunday 10/22/23
As is usual when I’ve had too much to drink, I have a terrible night’s sleep. I had three glasses of white wine, which would not have phased me in my youth. This hangover makes me feel old. It persists throughout the day, and I stay in my pyjamas. I do some cleaning, as is my habit when I’m feeling like this. It’s starting to rain, mid day, when I check my phone to see that the salon has reached out to see if I was still coming to my appointment today, which had been rescheduled from yesterday. FUCK. I completely forgot. I rush down to the salon, still in my pyjamas, in the now pouring rain but my stylist has already left. I am so mad at myself. It’s not like me to forget stuff like this and it worries me that I’m becoming more scatterbrained these days. I go home and start cleaning my studio, because it looks like a crazy person lives there. My friend comes over in the afternoon to pick up some furniture she left there from an event back in September, and she stays a while to chat. It’s nice to talk and commiserate about stuff with her - a bright spot in the day. In the evening I try to take a bath, hoping it will make me feel better, but it makes me lightheaded. I go to bed early and sleep deeply.
Overall High / Low: 3 / 5
9. Monday 10 /23/ 23
It’s hard to wake up! Mondays I work from home so it’s nice to ease into the work week. The morning is full of Zoom meetings, and then during my lunch break I take Momo to the dog park. The afternoon is slow so I try to get some sewing done. I think about everything I have to do before my trip to Vegas for a work conference tomorrow. The evening has me anxiously packing, showing P different outfit combos, toiletries strewn about. I try hard not to get snappy as I try to impatiently get stuff done. A hot shower, episode of Bob’s Burgers, and ice cream has me calming down before bed.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 4
10. Tuesday 10/24/23
Today is travel day! I kept waking up last night, anxious about various things but especially about my creative endeavors… why now? I think being gone for a few days is making me worry about losing time to work on stuff. It is what it is though, and I calm myself down by reminding myself that I don’t HAVE to do anything and it doesn’t really matter if I make money or not because it’s only a side hobby. I don’t have to go to the airport until about noon so I’m able to do join a work meeting and do a bit more cleaning in the morning. I clean the rabbit’s box and hope that P remembers to take care of him. Going to the airport, meeting my coworkers, and getting to Vegas go smoothly. Meeting other coworkers, getting to the hotel, and getting our rooms takes a bit more time. By the time I put I my stuff down in my room, it’s already dinner time. One of my coworks goes with me to get pho and I am starving. After dinner we get some dessert and then head to our rooms, we are both exhausted. I take a hot bath and indulge in some nonsense TV before passing out early.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 3
11. Wednesday 10/25/23
First full day of the conference, and we all have to wake up quite early in order to register before seeing the keynote speaker. I don’t have time to eat breakfast and I wish I had showered, but sleep was more important. The conference is crowded, with a huge noisy expo hall full of vendors doing demos of their latest tech. I manage to catch a few talks but the highlight is talking to a particular vendor or two who might be able to solve some of the problems we’re having at work. It’s a long day of talking and being on our feet but in the evening a few of us go to a nice dinner and afterwards we see a Cirque du Soleil show - my first time! It’s amazing and I feel like I’m on vacation.
Overall High / Low: 1 / 3
12. Thursday 10/26/23
Day 2 of the conference and I make a point to have some self care in the morning. I sleep in, take a hot shower, do my hair, wear a cute outfit, and make time for breakfast. I roll in to the conference mid-morning with a couple other colleagues who I’ve enjoyed getting to talk with more during this trip, as we usually don’t have time like this together. I prioritize fewer but more important talks and am happy with my choices when I learn some really good info. My brain is swimming with inspiration and questions to bring home to my team. In the evening a few of us go to a cool but expensive Japanese fusion restaurant before we check out Meow Wolf - an immersive art installation / scavenger hunt that I’ve been wanting to go to for years! We have a great time running around but eventually get tired from all the walking and decide to head back to the hotel. I think I’m overstimulated as I don’t get to sleep until almost 1 am.
Overall High / Low: 1 / 2
13. Friday 10/27/23
We’re unable to attend any of the conference as we all have flights that leave somewhat early. A group of us hitch a ride with a colleague who rented a car, and I am SO tired. It’s probably a combination of staying up too late, taking melatonin three nights in a row, and the thousands of steps taken in the last few days. I’m on the same flight as two other colleagues and we are all glad to be traveling together as it seems so much less stressful. The flight home is bumpy, which I hate, but at least it’s short. P picks me up from the airport as he has Fridays off now and it’s so nice to see him and go home with him. I spend the rest of the day unpacking, answering a few emails, and half-napping. In the evening we go out to eat at our local Mexican restaurant and I tell P all about what I’ve learned. We go home and watch The Munsters movie because we’re both craving a movie that’s silly and fun.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 3
14. Saturday 10/28/23
I wake up in the worst mood. During the night, the cat woke me up and then later I woke up several times with shooting pains in my back and hips right at the mattress pressure points. After having no issues with the hotel bed I’m convinced (again) that this old spring mattress is to blame. I am grumpy during breakfast and pretty much demand that we get a new mattress as a joint Christmas present. P is not sold but I’m going to keep working at it. After a hot shower I feel somewhat better and get myself in a happier mood to get dressed up for a Halloween birthday party for my friend’s 6 year old. P is dressing up and coming too and I’m glad he got inspired because originally he said he didn’t want to, which would have been a bummer. The party is short and sweet and afterwards we go home and make an easy dinner before watching ‘The Thing’ (P’s on a John Carpenter / Kurt Russell kick) which we both thoroughly enjoy. Before bed though, I end up doom scrolling and have very mixed feelings about all the strong political claims being pushed by people who are normally quiet on these issues. Do I need to post something? Do people care what my opinions are? I am no expert on these things, but the escalating opinions worry me. I have feelings that are aligned with theirs, but I mostly have questions that probably can’t be answered, and I don’t see anyone else asking these questions. I switch to reading a book to divert my mind, which puts me to sleep.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 5
15. Sunday 10/29/23
I slept much better and we both get up at the same time and make breakfast together. We decide to take Mo to the dog park together before heading over to Oak Park to check out a Halloween zine event that some friends have organized. It’s nice to meet and chat with folks and I spend way too much money on various artists’ wares. We get some food and drinks at the brewpub next door and it’s filling enough that we don’t need dinner. I spend a good chunk of the day trying on various costumes and taking photos, which is such a ridiculously indulgent waste of time but it makes me so happy. It makes me feel like a little kid and also very aware and appreciative of the free time I have (which triggers deeper gnawing anxieties about not having kids, but there’s nothing to do about that now). I also manage to catch up on some potholder making, which I wasn’t able to do while traveling. The looming demands of holiday making are weighing on me but I try not to think about it. We pretty much just snack and watch shows for most of the evening until we need to get ready for bed.
Overall High / Low: 1 / 4
16. Monday 10/30/23
It’s getting cold in the mornings and I find myself turning on a space heater under my desk as I work from home. I stay in my pyjamas until it’s time to walk the dog between various Zoom meetings. It’s hard to get back into the groove of work stuff after the conference and I feel like I need to catch up on a lot, both for work and creative endeavors. In the evening I actually manage to do like 30 min of cardio via playing Beat Saber on my VR headset - it makes me feel good but also guilty at the same time, when I think about how long it’s been since I exercised.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 4
17. Tuesday 10/31/23
Halloween! I think it has become my favorite holiday…. But it also makes me sad when it actually comes because that means it will be over. This year there is also the awkward social media pressure of ‘how can you celebrate such trivial things when there are such horrible things happening in the world?’ and to that I can only argue that we as humans need to find joy in all the ways we still can, otherwise we will drown. It’s a work day and I’ve decided to wear my handmade moth wings to work because they can be easily taken off for meetings. There is a little pot luck that I had forgotten about but luckily we had some unopened chips and salsa at home that I was able to bring and it ended up being a decent contribution to the spread. After work P and I eat some leftovers in a hurry and feed all the animals before going to a friend’s little party down the street in our costumes (I am a devil in a Liberace-esque cape and P is Snake Plisskin from Escape from New York). She and her husband are great, both creative and funny, and I’m very glad to have befriended them. We hang out for a few hours before we have to get home and get to bed early, since we both have work tomorrow. No one took any candy that I had left on the porch, which is a bummer, and I was hoping to watch a festive movie but alas it’s decided that it’s too late, so it’s a rather anticlimactic evening. Oh well.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 4
18. Wednesday 11/1/23
The whole morning ends up being busy with work meetings and I hardly get a chance to have lunch. I don’t emerge from my studio until close to 2 to walk Mo and I find that he has dragged my handmade moth costume outside and chewed it apart. I am not happy, and he knows it. Luckily it’s mostly intact and someday when I have some free time I’m sure I can repair it. Today is not that day though. I have to walk him in a hurry before getting back to work with some major tech frustrations. My colleague and I are at our wits’ ends trying to figure out how to reconfigure a bunch of VR headsets that are no longer working the way we need them to. The bright spot in the day is a meeting with my director to go over my performance review and she informs me that my great work has earned me a little bonus, so there’s that! After work I drive up to Auburn, which takes me an irritating hour, to see my folks and my cousin who is visiting with his wife. I haven’t seen them in over 10 years. Recently his sister died, a cousin I’ve only met a few times, and his visiting seems to perhaps signal a new chapter of closeness between him and our family - at least I hope so. By the time I get home, P is already in bed, anxious about a stressful work meeting he has tomorrow, so it’s pretty much bedtime for me as well.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 5
19. Thursday 11/2/23
This morning P tells me, annoyed, that I left my keys in the front door all night. I can only groan and apologize. WHY is this a thing I do now? I never used to do this. Will it only get worse with age?! Probably, I realize. I didn’t have time to shower last night and I didn’t pick out an outfit for today, so my hair is greasy and pulled back and I’m wearing a weird combo of things that were chosen mainly to keep me warm at the office. At work, the tech frustrations continue and it doesn’t seem like a very productive day. I get an email from the art gallery explaining how to upload images of all 30 pieces for the show and I start getting anxious about the amount of work to do, and we’re going to be traveling right when I’m supposed to be delivering everything. This project is wearing on me! I thought making a potholder a day would be doable, but I’ve been so busy that I haven’t even managed to do that. I think it’s mostly just bad timing, what with all the holiday stuff. At least this daily record is a way to stay accountable. In the evening my maker friend comes over to discuss the booth we’ll share for a holiday market. She brings her kids and our meeting isn’t very productive due to needing to entertain them - instead of feeling better, I feel more anxious that our plans will fall through.
Overall High / Low: 3 / 4
20. Friday 11/3/23
I spend the day working from home. Between meetings, I try to catch up on making potholders and trying to photograph them. Patrick has spent most of the day making phone calls to find out about long term care for his mother and he is very tired and frustrated. We opt for getting food at the Japanese restaurant nearby and I try to give him suggestions which he doesn’t seem to find helpful. At home I encourage him to put on a funny movie and we watch Weird Al’s ‘UHF’ which is super dumb but it makes us laugh, which is needed.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 3
21. Saturday 11/4/23
In the morning I try to do some stuff around the house, and while trying to water the front plants I cut my hand on a palm- type plant, whose leaves have surprisingly sharp serrated edges. The pain is shocking, right on the webbing between my thumb and index finger. I’m able to bandage it up just in time to leave to spend most of the day volunteering at Broad Room, an artists’ studio and non-profit that offers free art supplies to the community. I try to volunteer once a month if I can, and I always enjoy my time there while I help to sort donations, make displays look nice, train new volunteers, and help people who come to visit. The shift goes quickly and I always leave with a bag of goodies I’ve found for myself. I’m tired but in a good way. We make pasta for dinner and watch a movie called ‘Quiz Lady.’ One scene makes me laugh so hard that I choke on some wine which makes me cough for the rest of the evening - fun times.
Overall High / Low: 1 / 3
22. Sunday 11/5/23
Daylight Savings Time means I got to sleep in and have quality time with P. Mid-morning he comes with me to take my foster bunny to an adoption event because it’s near a Japanese bakery that we like. We get some pastries and take it to the park. We go for a walk, admire all the trees changing colors and talk about the big beautiful old houses that surround the park. We go home to do some chores and I start a large closet clean out in preparation for a yard sale event I’m participating in next weekend. Again, I start questioning why I signed up to do this because I start to feel overwhelmed with how much I have to do.I get notified that the bunny wasn’t adopted so I have to go back and get him. He seems happy to be back in my studio. I continue with with my clothing project until I injure my hand in the collapsible clothing rack - that’s both hands injured in one weekend. I try not to be too mad at myself. We have leftovers for dinner and watch a show while I try to coordinate plans with my mom for her birthday next week.
Overall high / low: 2 / 4
23. Monday 11/6/23
In the morning it’s raining and once it clears up, I take Momo for a walk. I enjoy looking at all the beautiful trees changing color and I think about how I don’t miss Oakland at all. Back in my home office, I am anxious about giving performance reviews to my team members. There are no difficult conversations that need to be had, but I hope to do a clear and professional job anyways. Even though I’m 38, I still feel like such a kid pretending to be an adult sometimes. After work I start working on a collection of bright colorful potholders for the holidays and hope people will like them and again question what I'm doing… like, am I just the potholder lady? We make tortilla soup for dinner and then I shower and prep for the office tomorrow. I have trouble getting to sleep and take some melatonin around midnight.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 4
24. Tuesday 11/7
Today felt like I was kicking ass and taking names, maybe due to the rocket fuel coffee from the staff break room that I don’t usually drink. I was making decisions, managing meetings, typing emails, and troubleshooting tech pretty much all at once. In the afternoon we finally figured out a problem with our VR headsets that had been driving us crazy for like a week and I literally danced around the office. In the evening I busted out some sewing for the upcoming holiday market and made a little purse that's so cute I can't stand it. It felt really good to have something tangible done that I could be proud to display at the holiday market.
Overall High / Low: 1 / 3
25. Wednesday 11/8
Around 3 am I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep until almost 5, after which I had crazy dreams - probably all due to the rocket fuel coffee the day before. The day was pretty average, working from home, until the afternoon. Around 2pm I got an urgent email from another department asking for help with some documents and it ended up taking the rest of the day. When I finally sent it back at the end of the day, I was asked to do everything again in a different format. I was super irritated and decided to just put it off until tomorrow. After work, Patrick and I went to his mother’s to help get a bunch of medical stuff sorted and have an orientation with a potential caretaker who could visit on an as-needed basis. We were there for several hours and things went well, but we were exhausted and hungry when we were done. We didn’t want to cook so we got some Mexican food and called it a night.
Overall High / Low: 3 / 5
26. Thursday 11/9
A decent day at the office - a few zoom meetings, some nice chats with my coworker, plus some ‘play time’ where we tried out some VR demo apps that came with the new remote management software we’re trialing for the headsets. We even got an instructor to come try them when he had some free time, and he was quite impressed even though he struggled with the controls. At home I managed to sew another cute purse which felt good. After dinner P suggested we watch ‘Office Space’ since I had been rehashing my office irritations, and it was fun to rewatch an ‘old’ classic.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 3
27. Friday 11/10
Nothing special while working from home, but spent lots of breaks prepping for the backyard art market I was doing the next day. My friend stopped by to drop off some price tags she had borrowed and I was glad to see her, although I was slightly embarrassed at how grungey and chaotic my general vibe was. I priced everything and packed everything into my car because Patrick’s mom was coming to stay the night and I didn’t want to disturb her with all that stuff in the morning. I cleaned the studio super well for her and was proud of how nice and cozy I made it look. When she came later that evening we all crowded onto the couch together to watch some shows and Momo was in heaven. I was anxious about whether she would be comfortable and whether she would have any memory issues in the night but there wasn’t much more we could do, so I focused on making sure I had everything ready for the next day instead.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 4
28. Saturday 11/11
Most of the day was spent at the backyard art market.The couple who planned the event are wonderful people with amazing design taste and they’ve done an incredible job redoing their house and yard. I was a little intimidated by the other vendors who were very stylish ladies selling amazing vintage clothes and art. I was by myself and knew not many of my friends were going to stop by so I was nervous, but it ended up being a lovely day with some nice conversation with the other vendors. I didn’t sell any small handmade items but I sold a lot of clothing including a jumpsuit I had made from a duvet cover - one of the vintage sellers loved it and it fit her perfectly and that made my day! That, plus a couple of little girls went home with some of my accessories - glasses and purses, and it made me happy to see how delighted they were. Patrick came to help me pack up at the end of the event and in the evening we watched a cute comedy called ‘Theater Camp’ that I had been wanting to see. Overall a pretty great day!
Overall High / Low: 1 / 2
29. Sunday 11/12
We slept in and then made a nice breakfast of eggs and toast. We did some cleaning and I walked the dog while Patrick raked leaves in the front. When I got back, we went to Home Depot to get stuff for a rain gutter project Patrick wanted to tackle before we travel - it’s supposed to rain while we’re gone. We worked together and it felt good to accomplish the goal as a team. I did some sewing and decided to donate half my proceeds from the day before to a couple of different organizations. In the evening we drove up to Auburn to take my folks out to dinner for my mom’s 70th birthday. We had some funny conversation and I was glad to be able to see them and treat them well. The drive home was a slog and we didn’t have much time before bed since it was a work night.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 3
30. Monday 11/13
A busy day, starting off with some emails requiring decisions and replies right off the bat. Then it was meeting after meeting with my various team members, then another long demo from a content management company we met at the conference. I finally got to take Mo to the dog park around 1, do some actual work when I got home, and then take the bunny to another foster who agreed to take him while we’re on vacation. In the evening I got to video chat with a friend who is going to Japan and wanted recommendations, then I finished up a few more potholders and struggled with uploading photos to the gallery website. I then took some time to try a new rolled hem foot I got for my sewing machine, which might be a game changer for some holiday sewing… which will be priority #1 when we get back from our trip because I have almost no inventory. To be honest, I am glad to be done with this project as it took more time then expected, but I’m proud of myself for committing and following through. I think I have some good takeaways which I’ll process and write about in the near future.
Overall High / Low: 2 / 4
